I hate not having the option

Wow, this is amazing insight and emotion in a few simple lines by Haidee Merritt on Riva Greenberg’s post, about Haidee’s new book.

Q: What don’t people “get” about diabetes?

Haidee Merritt: That it constantly screws with your head. It makes you doubt yourself, question yourself, redefine and reexamine yourself at every turn. It’s not a static condition. It morphs and makes your body continually change. It’s an emotional disease as well as a physical one. It’s a social disease as well as an intensely private one. It’s a struggle. It’s not a disease you can beat in my opinion; it’s a disease you have to join. I hate not having the option.

I really love what she says here, because it sums up a lot of feelings I often have about diabetes. When someone asks me about my diabetes, I often explain quite openly about how it works, have a few simple examples and give them the gist of it pretty quickly.

They don’t get what diabetes takes though, and even though the interested people will often say “Wow – you seem to have it quite bad” – they still don’t really get it. But you, reading this if you have type 1 diabetes – you get it. Like Haidee gets it. And just sharing this, getting it out, writing about it and knowing that others feel this way, is an amazing source of inspiration and determination.

Sure, I hate not having the option. But I’m inspired by others who fight this challenge every day in their own way, who achieve amazing things and go on to live incredible lives in spite of diabetes .

I too want to be an inspiration to others, like I find inspiration in you.

~ Mark

How to get out of your “funk”

I’ve been trying to read more literature on positive thinking and mindset lately, and last night came across this blog by Dave Navarro called Rock Your Day, after reading his free ebook titled “How to free up 1000 hours a year by investing 1 hour a week“. It’s a quick read and I highly recommend it, but let me get to his latest post.

How to get out of your “funky” mood

When I say funky I don’t mean “groovy” or anything to do with house music, a funky mood is one you’re in that’s not quite you, that’s different to your normal character and one you’d prefer not to be in. Dave suggests an ACT FAST process that to be honest, seems a bit tedious, but as he says even if you just start acknowledging your funk, realise you can get out of it, and identify ways to do so – you’re already miles ahead of just being moody. So glance over the following points, and next time you’re acting “funky” follow their cues to get out of that mood. PMS is not an excuse either, ladies.

Head over to the post on Rock Your Day and read Dave’s great example that works through the process. I’ll keep it brief, with some pointers here.

1. AGREE with yourself that you don’t want to be in this mood right now. This seems silly but is actually very important in acknowledging you’re stuck, and feeling shitty.

“I’m miserable at work.”

2. CLARIFY the mood you’d like to be in. You’re feeling miserable, but how would you like to feel?

“I want to feel fulfilled and do work I am passionate about.“

3. TAKE responsibility for taking immediate action. Only you can get yourself out of the mood you’re in, and into the mood you want. Make this statement to yourself, take charge of the situation.

“I’m miserable at work and I’m ready to start doing more of what I’m passionate about, that will make me feel more fulfilled.“

4. What do I need to FOCUS on to get me out of this mood/mindset? Now you get to think about or write down things you can focus on to put you in this positive or better mindset. As Dave writes – “When you ask yourself this question, you’re putting yourself on the spot – you’re saying, “Hey, if I wanted to feel *passionate about what I do (for this example), what would I need to focus on?”  You’re presupposing the answer is available to you rather than saying “How do I get out of this funk?”, which is an open ended question that invites an “I dunno …” response. Powerful stuff.

Here I think a tool like Evernote will come in handy, so when you get back into this mood, you can refer back to your answers on what to focus on to get out of it. Makes sense huh?

“I will learn new skills (something I love) that will add value to myself and enable the business to grow.“

5. What do I need to ACT on to feel the way I want to? Basically putting action to the previous areas of focus.

“Spend 2 hours a day on learning social media marketing and SEO.”

6. What do I need to SURROUND myself with to feel the ay I want to? Your surrounding play a big part in your mindset, your actions, and surrounding yourself with objects, projects or people that are conducive to achieving your desired mood will lead to far greater results.

“I’ll subscribe to SEO newsletters and sites that offer social marketing resources. I’ll find relevant literature and projects that will practice my skills and grow my confidence.“

7. Lastly, What do I need to TELL myself to feel the way I want to?

Create your statement and read over it over and over again, whipping your mind out of that funk and into another realm of possibilities and opportunity. Believe it when you read it, trust your ability to achieve this…

“I’m miserable at work and I’m ready to start doing more of what I’m passionate about, that will make me feel more fulfilled. I will learn new skills (something I love) that will add value to myself and enable the business to grow.

I’ll spend 2 hours a day on learning social media marketing and SEO by subscribing to industry newsletters and sites that offer social marketing resources. I’ll find relevant literature and projects that will practice my skills and grow my confidence.“

I’ve shared here a feeling in my own life which has been quite personal for me for some time now. I’ve taken steps in the right direction, and I’m feeling positive, so I felt comfortable to share it here. “Miserable” is maybe quite a harsh description, but sometimes, I have felt that way, and I really needed to take action.

Apply this in your own life, and leave a comment if you wish either here or on the original post by Dave Navarro. If the whole process seems like too much work, either see it as set defined steps you can take to get out of your funk, or at least start thinking about your mood, what you can focus on to get out and already you’ll make effort in the right direction.

~ Mark

Images sourced from http://www.sxc.hu

What diabetes means to me

My diagnosis date is coming up on the 31st of August and on this day I would have had diabetes for half my life, 15 years. I’m now entering into new territory in my health and D management, and wanted to share a couple of thoughts on my experience over these last 15 years.

Diabetes is hard work

Being diabetic is hard — all the nitty gritty you have to remember, all the tests, the calculations you do when carb counting and matching insulin, the mission of shots and needles and infusion sets, CGMS alarms that drive you crazy, etc, etc already! Diabetes really is a tough condition to manage. And I haven’t always got it right, I’ve asked countless times with my hands in the air “Why me?!” and out of spite often taken that extra bit of sweetness that sends me into an out of control hypo rebound. It’s tough.

But when I get my head back on my shoulders I always look again at it as a challenge handed to me by this world, because it knew I was up to it. And then I’m thankful for the strength and discipline I’ve built up over these years to get me to this point, and receive feedback from my dentist, optometrist and podiatrist – to the tune of – “you sure you’re diabetic? You’re perfectly healthy buddy.”

Diabetes is scary

I’ve had a couple of bad hypo’s, and only one submission to hospital for DKA, but each of those episodes has been frightening. Bad hypo’s feel like some lucid dream or game in which reality is so far fetched and warped, but so real I can touch it. And then that process, no, the battle, of getting out of that state is so tiring it puts me into a hypo hangover where I feel emotions and exhaustion I hardly ever experience. One day it happened after lunch – I bolused and fell asleep on the couch. After that hypo I wept for an hour, and I never cry. (But diabetes made me cry…;)

And its not only me it scares, but my loved ones too like my wife and family. And sometimes I feel quite guilty when it happens and I’ve caused an embarrassment to them in public. I’m sure they’re more concerned for my safety though, but still, I’m always sorry. What can happen if I don’t look after myself is scary, I too have seen those photos and heard those stories of losing your feet, your eyesight and death – and the onset of these complications scare me.

Diabetes has taught me a lot

I started my D career off as any normal 15 yr old dxd at that stage would — with a shit attitude. I ignored it’s existence, tested as often as I though necessary (once, twice every couple of days), ate what I wanted and stayed away from my doctor as long as possible (he kept wanting me to test and eat healthy!). I ate separate bland food from the other boys in boarding school, and had crazy hypo’s in the Paarl heat in my school uniform or on the hockey field.

But it all changed in 2002 when I went into ICU for DKA, 6 years after being dxd. Through 2 drips in the waiting room, a few days to recover in the hospital, and being I could have died, I realised I needed to make a change in my perspective. Diabetes had kicked my ass, and I needed to get back up, to carry on this fight. Today, I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m fit and healthy, eat a balanced diet and understand how food, insulin and exercise effect my body. I’ve become more empowered about my health than I would ever be without diabetes, and for this I’m thankful.

I can FIX it

Until a “real” cure is found, diabetes – like death and taxes, is certain. Everyday I need to think about what and how I eat, do, feel and everyday the results are different. What makes it harder still is the fact that I’ll never get a break, even just a weekend, to relax from it’s constant need of attention.

But I can FIX it. For me, understanding how Fitness, Insulin and eXercise affect my body and applying my knowledge of carb counting, eating low GI and staying fit, has made the world of difference in managing my diabetes. Equipped with the confidence that I can FIX it, I have been able to achieve an HbA1c under 7% (6.6% one month ago) over the last few years.

This is what Diabetes means to me, and I’m sure there are a million different meanings to each and everybody else with this condition. If you’re reading this, I hope you’ve been comforted, or inspired, knowing that you can FIX your diabetes too. Sure it’s not a “real” cure, but it’s the closest we’re going to get right now.

Make the choice to stop living against diabetes, and start living with it.

~ Mark

Going for 6% gold

I’ve recently applied for life insurance and dreaded disease cover from an insurance company that I’ve always felt has driven innovation in the industry here in South Africa. I’ve been struggling for a while now to get cover, each time being denied because I am Type 1 diabetic. I’m medically fit, lead a healthy lifestyle, eat well and try my utmost to manage my diabetes. But I was quite disappointed when my advisor came back with their offer – a loading of 175% on the cover provided my HbA1c levels are under 6%.

To me it feels like the person/body who has made this decision, is actually not that medically fit. Seriously – aiming for an HbA1c under 6% is to me far more life threatening than it is “healthy”, don’t you think? My last few readings have all registered under 7%, (6,6%, 6,1%, 7%, 5,8%, 6,3%) and I’ve always felt this was my target. And my doc agrees. But, what can I do? Manage better I guess. Take a look at my Carelink ”Modal Day summary” for the last 2 weeks. I’m doing pretty well, but definitely not averaging under 6/108 for my readings though.

Averages over 14 days

So what should my strategy be to get under 6%? Manage better, I guess. I’m def not upping my insulin or ratios for risk of hypo’s. I remember thinking “impossible!” recently when another blogger in the DOC was trying to fall pregnant, and what she was going through to manage her diabetes.  So I guess, in a sort of sick twisted way, I’m trying to get pregnant too. So that’s what I’ll do, as every type 1 diabetic woman is also challenged to do when they want to fall pregant. I’ll manage better, and strive for the 6% gold.

~ Mark

Cancer, and no regrets

My father in law has a really good friend who has just been diagnosed with cancer. He (my pa in law) is sad about it, everyone is sad about it, and of course, so is Uncle Giepie. I don’t know enough about cancer to know how it forms, or why, but I do know that it’s pretty serious, and if it’s reached a certain degree, it’s pretty critical too.

It got me thinking, imagine I was dxd with cancer, how would I feel? Knowing, that I only have a few months left? By that time, I’ve done everything I can to live as long as possible with diabetes, and now I’m loaded with the big C too. Any coincidence they’re so close in the alphabet?

But if I was dxd with C, and I knew only had a few months left, I promise you I wouldn’t be wanting to be thinking “damn, I wish I had done more of [that].” i wish I had gone after my dreams, I wish I had taken that chance, what if? That’s why Monday I’m going into work and telling my boss I cannot work for the company in a full time capacity anymore, it’s killing me. One day, when I’m on my death bed, I want to feel “alive”. And it has to start now.

That’s how I want to feel one day if I’m ever dxd with C, or if my diabetes has caused any kind of serious condition in my body I want to be able to say, “bring it on”. I want to be ready for it, and know that I’ve put everything into my life up till that point, that I’ve “Dreamed as if I’ll live forever, and lived as if I’ll die today” as James Dean once said.

I’ve done so many tests and assessments now about my personality and career, and I’ve recently started looking at the FAA to try and discover more about what value I can offer to this world. All I know is that, I’m bigger than this, And one day I don’t still want to be thinking this, but doing it.

James Dean, I’m dreaming today, just as Oom Giepie has done for all his life. But now, he lives — and one day I hope I’ll be just like him, with a family, a beautiful home, a loving wife and fulfilling career – that I’ll feel happy to die today.

Oom Giepie, all the love I can offer in the short time I have got to know you. Cheers.

Couldn’t resist – carrot cake!

12:30 bg 7.1/129.
Guesstimate: 50g carb
14:30 bg 3.2/58

When I counted, I figured about 20g carb per round, & about 10 in the icing. These cakes looked so yummy and carrot cake is one of my favourites, especially when it has walnuts in it…
yum.

Update, 14:30: Wow didn’t expect to go low! Funny, the cakes were really sweet, so i was expecting at least 20g each, like a big slice breas. Next time though, won’t be so hard on those cakes!

Medtronic transmitter blast from the past

I found my old CGMS transmitter today, pictured next to my current one I use. I only used it 4 times, 2 of which it actually worked, because it was a pain to wear, painful to insert (HUGE needle) and not that accurate.

Thank goodness for new technology